Train To Mexico

Strawberry Swing

2011-11-29T17:38:00.000-08:00

Couple new videos that I find particularly awesome.

Try not to dance with this guy...

Colasurdo's ROCK!

2011-07-12T10:41:00.000-07:00

We won the State Fair Wine Competition!! Check us out.

We love you Uncle Mikey!

Rick tells Dryden what's up....

2011-06-16T06:11:00.000-07:00

Photo by Rachel Philipson (Ithaca Journal)

Rick addressed the town board and spoke up on behalf of our generation. He was asked to interview with 870am and it aired this morning...no big deal. Interesting seeing the two local farmers who are up in arms about the right to do what they want with their land. A townswoman let them know that if they decide to cash in on their "lottery ticket" they will lose their ag exemptions because they will be using their property for other purposes...that shut them up. Poets, activists, stat guys, moms, dads, they all were there. We sat in the back and watched the community raise hell.

The most frustrating speaker was a man who stood up and played the passive card. "I don't care, do what you want. If my neighbor wants to ruin my drinking water, fine. Nature could dry up my wells next year and I have no control over that either." What a muppet. Pick a side and fight for it, don't bend over. Heard an ad this morning on natural gas that was "brought to [us] in part by the petroleum industry...." That alone should have you questioning the message.

More town hall meetings to come...meanwhile, make sure they're not trying to frack in your backyard.

Loooooooooooook!

2011-05-05T06:37:00.000-07:00

I'm in print! The article was received so well that they have asked me to contribute every month! Hooray!

The farm is coming along wonderfully. Amy and Mike visited and helped us perfect the chicken coop. We painted, added a window for circualtion and light for the hens...and our new COCK. We managed to come up with some pretty thoughtful cock jokes while getting on a nice buzz, listening to Mike's extraordinary acoustics and watching the clouds roll over while we laid in the grass. A perfect weekend.

Also, have you heard of Download Helper? If you want to download your fav hits for free, add it to your Mozilla toolbar and ou can save songs as MP3 files. If you need a tutorial, they have them on YouTube...or just shoot me an email. Much Love!

Murray the Moose

2011-04-28T06:24:00.000-07:00

Meet Murray...Red Tick (English) Hound/Lab mix. Rick finally has a dude to relate to at the farm!

It's simply backwards....

2011-04-12T13:56:00.000-07:00

http://www.adn.com/2011/04/10/1802286/marcellus-shale-gas-may-head-overseas.html

Courtesy of The White Stripes

2011-04-12T05:55:00.000-07:00

Grists Radical Poster Rally

2011-04-12T05:50:00.000-07:00

A couple favs

Flowers for me...

2011-03-30T08:03:00.000-07:00

I remember this fondly and can see myself standing at my desk...feeling so comfortable in that book...so innocent and so young. I was grown up in some way in 8th grade...You inspired me Michael...Grazie Tanto!

MT "I was recently talking to one of my students about how the most unfortunate act of having to read the last page of Flowers for Algernon aloud in Mr. Lu's class fell upon you, and how, even through wave after agonizing wave of sniffs and blubbers, you were a total champion and made it through.

On a separate note, duder, you've got to post more on this thing. The people miss you. ♥"

TR "Oh my God....I had forgotten about that. I am so lucky we were in class together. I miss you Mike. Are you writing anywhere that I should know about? Are your students reading Algernon? I can not believe how easily I let my guard down with that book. It was that class. We were together all the time so I guess it was ok. What a time in our lives, right? The extremes...laughing uncontrollably one minute and being so hurt and vulnerable the next...we had such fun"

Getting Published...IN PRINT

2011-03-30T07:44:00.000-07:00

My work is being published in the May edition of Maximum Yield Magazine! Such a treat. They asked me to write up my bio to be printed alongside the article so I made it sounds as prestigious as possible.

Theresa Ryan, Director of Operations for AIBC International’s LED Grow Lights Division, recently moved to central NY to explore opportunities in green technology. With a background in nutraceutical marketing and editorial for an international music publisher, Theresa changed career paths after working on organic farms across Europe and The United States to supprt her belief in worldwide sustainability efforts. Her daily activities in her new position as Director at AIBC include product research and development for renewable energy products, improving and advancing quality standards and measures for indoor LED grow lighting and creating content to educate the increasing customer base at www.ledgrowlightsoutlet.com and www.aibcusa.com.

Jazzy! A step in the right direction...

Next, I will publish the greatest Love Song of all time...inspired by Mr. Cave.

"Though the love song comes in many guises – songs of exultation and praise, songs of rage and of despair, erotic songs, songs of abandonment and loss – they all address God, for it is the haunted premises of longing that the true love song inhabits. It is a howl in the void, for Love and for comfort and it lives on the lips of the child crying for his mother. It is the song of the lover in need of her loved one, the raving of the lunatic supplicant petitioning his God. It is the cry of one chained to the earth, to the ordinary and to the mundane, craving flight; a flight into inspiration and imagination and divinity. The love song is the sound of our endeavours to become God-like, to rise up and above the earthbound and the mediocre."

http://everything2.com/title/Nick+Cave%2527s+Love+Song+Lecture

Looking for help....

2011-03-25T07:24:00.000-07:00

Rick and I have been settling into the new homestead...rearranging furniture, knocking down walls and building snow tube parks all winter. Good thing the sun is finally coming so we can start working on the garden. We built a fence for the chickens last weekend and it looks awesome...we hung an old chandelier in their coup so it looks more like a brothel now...a chandelier covered in poop is easy to smile at every morning... We're getting a massive canvas tent for guests this summer so pack your bags and come visit. We are also going to convert our barn into a straw bale house. Things are happening.

In the meantime:

In an effort to win a free room makeover from HGTV, Rick and I spent a weekend filming the property to submit a video and get "HGTV'd" (Cheese you say?...only if we lose) Rick did some fine editing (as usual) and he posted it here ----> http://my.hgtv.com/hgtvd/Multipurpose-Room/What-Is-This-Room/detail.esi?oid=23788055
I would like to add that we had some perfect music that we had to remove because Jack White and Paul Simon own the rights to their music or whatever...but it's still pretty awesome. If we get lots of amazing comments, I'm pretty sure we will win. Make sure you post a comment or seven so it moves us up in the ranks. Save your energy though, we have two other rooms we will be submitting and I will send those links too!

Thanks for taking a minute to check it out and feel free to forward it to every single person in the universe so they can view it too!!

Hillbilly Hipsters

2011-03-15T08:31:00.000-07:00

We finally found a spot for our latest treasures...two old recliners that the church back home was throwing away. We sat them in front of the fire after a weekend of visiting the fams in NJ and there was...something...maybe on the radio....it was...it was a country song and Rick turned to me from the fire and said, "That's a good question...what would you do? If you were going to die...in 6 months, if you knew you were going to die, what would you do?" I thought about it for a split second...that's all it took. "I would write" Our eyes glazed over and I couldn't control myself. I was just doing a happy cry all over the place. It was terrific. It feels so good to think of it. A minute later I thought of what other people might do...an extravagant vacation, tell their mother how much they love them, forgive an old friend...To think that I wanted none of that. If in 6 months, I would no longer be around, I would be completely satisified. It stems from the idea that I already do everything I want...all the time...I tell people what I want them to know, I have been to every place I ever wanted to see (with the one that I love the very most, bonus), my husband knows how much I love him, I have no grudges, I have no fear of dying...I would just write.

Seeing family and singing Happy Birthday was a treat! Being with friends and not having to catch up was even better...it's just right where we left off.

We came home and let the chickens out...a while later we found our favorite chicken Stumpy resigned from chickenhood just outside the coop. She was the friendliest, strongest, cuddliest, most handicapped chicken in the world...she will be missed. Coopa, Chicken Soup and that other chicken are ok, but I can tell they miss the Stumpster. She was the rock. Pour out some OJ for her next time you have an omelette.

Pushing and pulling weight

2011-02-17T09:29:00.000-08:00

I didn't watch the Grammy's....and I wanted to. We don't have cable and Rick was not into finding the broadcast online. I miss my music. I miss punks at the mall, the city skyline, our small backyard.

I think it's winter getting the best of me...but sometimes I want to be that shitty New Jerseyean again. The one that goes to VFW shows and lives close to kids they've known since they were 8yrs old. The one that takes the Path train to Christopher St. and gets lost staring up at all the tall buildings. The one that gets drunk around a campfire at house parties, the one that is nothing like "the Jersey Shore" folks. I'm not ashamed to miss NJ. There is so much about it to hate from the outside...but God... who doesn't love hiking at 10am and then going to the mall for Master Wok and soft serve ice cream. Wait, maybe I just miss being 20...

I just need a house party with the OG's. Miss you guys.

So very lucky....

2011-01-11T13:03:00.000-08:00

Some photos of the house! Got carried away at the end and just started putting in some photos of 2010. The garden, the kids, Stella, camping...oh the life we live!!

A New Home

2010-12-09T16:59:00.000-08:00

After speaking with an old friend last night, I decided it was time to get back to writing...if for anyone at all...for her. No one ever mentioned that they were looking out for me to write again. So here I am.

We have changed addresses and with everything that comes along with it...the good and the bad...it's an adventure. I have learned more about who I am in the past month than any trip we have ever been on. We moved into the Noble House Farm B&B where they put us up in the barn (converted into an apartment) next to the pond on their 50 acre plot outside Ithaca city. It was a cozy few months with mole encounters, meeting new guests (both dogs and humans) that vacationed at the B&B, listening to coyotes at dusk, watching meteor showers, finding mice fetuses in the oven range, picking burs off Stella after long hikes, reading, talking for hours at dinner, not having cell phone reception, We also had a chance to catch up on all the movies old guests had graciously left including Ice Age and Ice Age 2 The Meltdown, All the Right Moves, The Nanny, Shrek 2 etc. We watched them because some nights...there was nothing else. With an 8 inch television and no cable, you take what you can get.

As fate would have it, there was one movie that made it all worth while. An early 90's film called Grand Canyon about the separate lives of these characters in LA. They each have a set of worries and problems they are facing and Simon, played by Danny Glover, is talking to Kevin Kline (Forget his characters name) and he says: "You ever been to the Grand Canyon? Its pretty, but thats not the thing of it. You can sit on the edge of that big ol' thing and those rocks... the cliffs and rocks are so old... it took so long for that thing to get like that... and it ain't done either! It happens right there while your watching it. Its happening right now as we are sitting here in this ugly town. When you sit on the edge of that thing, you realize what a joke we people really are... what big heads we have thinking that what we do is gonna matter all that much... thinking that our time here means didly to those rocks. Just a split second we have been here, the whole lot of us. That's a piece of time so small to even get a name. Those rocks are laughing at me right now, me and my worries... Yeah, its real humorous, that Grand Canyon. Its laughing at me right now. You know what I felt like? I felt like a gnat that lands on the ass of a cow chewing his cud on the side of the road that you drive by doing 70 mph." It reminded me of watching the sun rise and set at the Canyon and just how much it changed me too. It does that. Every one of those parks does that. Puts you in your place. It helps me realize what I'm doing. If you get a chance, check it out...the movie and the Canyon.

I could tell you the whole story of how we got the house...but I'll save that for later.

Here we are...stoking the fire, eating turkey soup and apple pie a la mode. Trying to fall into a routine is tough...I suppose that just happens on its own over time. For now...we listen to NPR in the morning and strangely enough the Writer's Almanac is always featured at the exact time we cruising highway 13 into city center for work. The silos Mr. Garrison Kellior and his ancient voice read us poetry and remind me of how important it is to keep writing. This morning he mentioned the birthday of Jean de Brunhoff who wrote the stories of Babar for his children. I used to watch Babar on HBO in the mornings growing up. I had flashbacks of the royal elephant family and could see myself so vividly...sitting in front of the television waiting for the day to start with Babar.

He also spent time on author John Milton and celebrating his birthday today. The man who sold Paradise Lost for ten pound and "coined more than 600 words, including the adjectives dreary, flowery, jubilant, satanic, saintly, terrific, ethereal, sublime, impassive, unprincipled, dismissive, and feverish; as well as the nouns fragrance, adventurer, anarchy, and many more." All we could say after Garrison finished the list was "wow." Wow is right. The thought of coining any term...nonetheless one as terrific as the actual word "terrific"...Imagine not being able to think of a word that describes a person who seeks risks or exciting experiences...what would we call them other than an adventurer??

"Life is either a daring adventure or nothing" It's moments when I am overwhelmed with the rate at which time is flying by, when I don't know why certain things happen, when I can't find comfort, when I am a stranger, when I don't understand...this saves me. Each time I realize I am the adventurer...things seem more of a triumph. Sometimes I miss things being so easy. Not getting lost on a coffee run...taking the back way home, water that doesn't smell like Yellowstone...but how boring would life be without obstacles and adventure...what if I never met that certain someone who changed me forever. I'll keep choosing the rocky road until something breaks...then I'll get up and take it again. Speaking of Rocky Road.....=)

Write it down...

2010-09-02T11:32:00.000-07:00

9/2/10
And so here I am in a completely different town. Another planet as far as I’m concerned. I can’t remember the last time I was writing about that city and it doesn’t matter. What matters is that our dog Stella is here…there are mice trying to run into our temporary barn establishment…and mom and dad are far far away. Even farther than a bus ride. Farther than a stones throw. I never imagined singing happy birthday without my favorites around.

Since we moved to our new home…I’ve been faced with questions that I didn’t think I would have to answer. We made the decision together….our adventurous spirit said….Decide….and so we did. It all happened very quickly and because the decision was spawned from love and desire…passion and experience…I know it’s the right one. It’s telling my logical side that things will be ok…that’s the tricky part. “We have no friends here. I don’t want any new friends…the ones that know me love me for who I was and who I have become….I want to see mom more…I want to talk to Willy everyday…I want to watch Valerie grow up and pick her up from school…I want Amy to call for a hike when she needs me” God I want that. I want it so bad. Almost bad enough to throw this idea away.

But just not enough.

I start to ask myself what all of this boils down to…try to compare myself to every one that I know and have ever met. They did it. They are surviving. The have memories and find their family. We are all energy…what really matters is who we touch right? Who we are a part of. Rick always says quality time over quantity….but I start to think of all the little things…that only quantity can afford. When Mom farts and we all laugh…when we need to return something to the mall and we get Frosties on the way home while we sing and dance in the car …when dad asks me to go for a walk with him. Those moments pour in…there are so many…such an enormous quantity of moments…and every one of them is perfect. So perfect. I think of us as a movie family then. If we have only quality moments…We come home to visit and everything is fake. It is visited and uninviting. Cold and forced. It is what every other family is that we aren’t. It’s knowing my college alma mater and loving college football. it’s small talk ….
It’s seeing his age…. .

A typical family. The antithesis of what I ever wanted us to become. I need a passion to fly back to. I have plenty of people that I am passionate about…but I need a passion that is all mine. One that I can return to that relaxes me…makes me face all of this…Rick tells me…always saving me….write it down…Write so you can see the flaws. Write so you can see what you’re feeling. It helps.

And that is just what this does.
They still love you…they won’t fake it back home if you don’t. Sure, it will take a few hours of discomfort…but just give them all of you…like you always do…that’s what counts. Just like you said. It’s what you give people. That is all that matters in this world. Learning how to give your true self to people. A genuine encounter…a real experience. Don’t fake anything. Walk in and be real. YES. YES! Start to live. Start to live so that you can show them that you are living….when you are together….share that with them…the idea…the love of life that you are creating. That’s it! We’ll be ok…I promise. It’s hard because you love so deeply…it’s tough because you know each other so well...because you have that connection. Be thankful for that…embrace that level at which you can share this world….how funny you can be….how easy you make it to smile….

Nothing else matters.

It is moving so fast. You have to make sure they know. Tell them. Tell them that nothing else matters but how happy you make each other when you are together. RUN.

Two Large Crew

2009-12-17T12:26:00.000-08:00

I must say, the Brits are a bit more advanced on the pop/rock music front.

Thanks for the smile James!

2009-12-17T12:23:00.000-08:00

Looking Back

2009-12-10T18:35:00.000-08:00

I have lots of photos to post and stories to tell....I just started putting together a book....my first book. I am having a difficult time realizing all we've done in the past year...where we've been, who we met...friends we missed. If I just send a link with all the photos, you might just skim through...I have to pick the best of the best and attach stories, then you'll see. This book is going to be awesome...

Back in the USA

2009-08-06T17:50:00.000-07:00

Back! Back home! Oddly enough...nothing has changed. All of these little universes go on every day around the world without anyone knowing. People get older and sometimes younger....skinnier and fatter...less aware and more accepting...but in a week they will all be the same again.

Been so busy preparing for our cross country trip that my journal took the back seat. So much to write about, I have decided to finally start a book. When we return from our national park extravaganza, I will sit at the computer all day and all night and write. Maybe something for the kids...talking trees and organic soil with a personality disorder. Not too sure yet. Until then, we're headed west.

Congrats Joelle on the amazing progress at Planet Verge! I am inspired and so excited for you...KUDOS! Ms. Smith sounds amazing on your stage!

Dan Auerbach at 2:04

2009-03-10T20:10:00.000-07:00

I didn't want to get into these quick posts...but I had to have this video here and I am too exhausted from shooting video with Rick since the sun came up(for his Backpacker Gear Tester submission!)to articulate. This song, it makes me stare off into the distance and reminds me of what other people are going through that I have no idea how to handle. Very grounding. Plus, Dan Auerbach embodies some serious bluesy, rock that I LOVE! Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch check it out!

I'm Pretty Far Behind on My Prayers

2009-03-06T14:39:00.000-08:00

A Monk who prays so much he left his footprints ingrained in the floor.

Farewell to MRG

2009-02-27T11:07:00.000-08:00

The best team to work with, in the universe! You will be missed!

I never thought I would have a petition drafted in my honor...But here it is...http://www.petitionspot.com/petitions/theresamrg

My family makes wine!

2009-02-26T10:04:00.001-08:00

It's true! Every year, we make wine together in Bloomfield, NJ at the Colasurdo garage, under the grape vines with 25 cups of coffee and lots of homemade baked goods. It's breathtaking, some of the greatest memories and one of the most delicious traditions! Each year, we dedicate the blend of love and grape juice to a Colasurdo who has passed. Our 2009 bottle will be dedicated to my grandfather Frank Coalsurdo Sr....who, I never had the pleasure of getting to know. My mother, who's passion is family and cooking, seems to think her and her brother (Uncle Frank) would not do the written dedication justice. I beg to differ, but jumped on the opportunity to help add some color and fun vocabulary words to their thoughts. Here is a sneak peak at the upcoming label:

Mia Cara Famiglia,

When we were children, we weren't able to spend as much time with our father as we would have liked. We learned a lot more about him as adults when we shared a kind of long-lost friendship. His clear, blue eyes were entrancing, that of statued saint. You could get lost when he looked at you, and his smile would bring you back while his laughter kept you warm. Our father, Frank Colasurdo Sr. was born July 1, 1922 in Jersey City to our beloved Modesto & Carmela Colasurdo who came from Italy in 1921 to create the foundation for the Colasurdo's in America. "Frank the Plumber" was a gentle, modest, neighborhood gumba, who cherished our family with all of his heart. After World War II, he was married and fathered 3 precious children.

Our father was sent to heaven on July 29, 1974 and we continue to celebrate his life through our tradition. With the right amount of wine and spaghetti, our family tree has continued to grow rich with love, revelry and virtue that we can lend to our ancestors...the rock on which we are built, the foundation of hope and faith where we stand proud!
The legacy continues!

Salute e Cent Anni
The Colasurdo Family

If these Polar Bears knew sign language...

2009-02-25T07:50:00.001-08:00

Barack Obama and Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper get dual climate fingers this week for a thoroughly disappointing meeting in Ottawa on Thursday. Rather than coming forward with fightin' words on climate change, the two promised to talk about talking about global warming a "clean energy dialog" that commits senior officials from both countries to collaboration. Lame. To make matters worse, the two leaders spent most of their post-meeting press conference hyping up their desire to drop billions of dollars on technologies to make dirty energy sources like coal and tars sands "clean." -Grist's Kate Sheppard

Friggin Genius!

2009-02-24T06:44:00.001-08:00

In order to improve on my blogging skills and try to get people starving for more posts at TrainToMexico, I've been frequenting other sites looking for things that turn me on. According to some study that Rick let me know about...geniuses are not born into genius. They spend time researching various experts in their field in order to achieve greatness. The Beatles, Einstein, Verdi, Beethoven, Little Debbie, etc. The average time spent studying....10,000 hours.

Recipe for Expert Status:

Ingredients:
10,000 hours of devotion
3 distracting ticks/habits
1 bottle of hair gel (substitute w/ hairspray, mousse, powdered wigs, etc.)
Pinch of your flesh
Cheese

Instruction:

While enveloping yourself in the art or trade you desire to perfect, develop 2-3 distracting ticks/habits. No more, no less. Similar to salt, wonderful to have a dash, but too much leads to funny faces at the taste test.
Devote 1 of the 10,000 hours to standing in front of a mirror (or into a spoon) searching for a hairstyle that will define your genius (make sure it works with a beard and/or hat). Feel free to use any hair styling products, but ensure success by being extreme. Do not settle for a healthy medium. Be either sickeningly dull or absolutely crazy.
Your characteristics will start to change in the 8,000th hour. Pinch yourself to make sure you haven't become a selfish, bastard who merely thinks they are a genius and is adored by all.
Cheese. Amount per serving is irrelevant, but I'm pretty sure cheese makes everything better...except Chinese food.

Be/Let cool. Serve to friends, family & estranged fans before growing a beard and/or wearing silly hats and retreating to an opposing island or country.

GENIUS!

A lot of the blogs I have been checking out are simply a collection of shocking videos and funny parodies embedded from Youtube. They are more of a critique and culmination of everything viral on the internet. They're entertaining. My hope is that I can come up with some engaging stories that take more than 30 seconds to read. Either way, I never thought of writing to live but rather, living to write (very cheesy, bit of a piss shiver, but it's true). I don't need a list of subscribers to read every post. If someone happens to read just one, perhaps have it accompany their coffee....If any one person remembers what I wrote and they pursue some kind of expression that they were putting off....If a complete stranger tells me they read one thing I wrote and just LIKED it...I will feel like a friggin genius.

A Weekend in Theresa

2009-02-18T12:18:00.000-08:00

Spent the weekend upstate (Theresa, NY) in a lone cabin on the lake. Friends Jenny and Joe invited us to the simple estate that Jenny's poppa built by hand. I can list what we did on one hand but, like most of the greatest moments so far, it's quality not quantity.

Highlights include but are not limited to:
1. The cabin- Have you ever seen an unconventional, handmade log cabin? Inspiring to say the very least. I immediately wanted to build an ark, a bow, a rocking chair. I wanted to read classic novels and write poetry; sip coffee to warm up and squint at the sun; take a deep breathe and smell nothing. So I did...and I will.
2.The canoe- A belated wedding gift that had been waiting for us on a pile of logs outside of the cabin. One of the most outlandish and genuine gifts I have ever received. Thanks to our generous and thoughtful friends we are no longer land-locked for our adventures. Rick and I spent a great deal of time just glancing at each other and laughing at the awesomeness of it all.
3. Ice fishing- I caught my first Northern Pike! Well....I caught my first fish!
4. Not pooping- Not so much a highlight, but as an old-fashioned gal I respect the lady-like abstinence from pooping or performing a stealth poop. It was uncomfortable, but a triumph nonetheless.
5. Meeting the folks- Seeing where and what people come from is really promising. It's refreshing to know that you and your family are unique, but that where you came from is a big part of your definition. Almost like in the spelling bee. Your family is like your "country of origin." You don't really need to know it to spell the word, but it makes it a bit more obvious and easier to understand.
6. Friends- Couple rounds of "Is it Bigger than a bread box?," Not finishing Cranium (that game sucks anyway), Joe's rendition of a deaf man trying to communicate with Rick (who is not deaf), waiting for fire, heart-shaped cookies, drawing in the snow....
7. Hiking the Ridge....wait, I guess I can't list them all on one hand...

Couple videos and pictures to follow...

Catch up & Bathroom Stall Additions

2009-01-20T13:58:00.000-08:00

Italian classes start this Wednesday, don't be late for class.
Start a rough draft of your will, but make sure you hide it to avoid confusion....
Do something illegal....ie: Defacing public property

Tim Tams- We were discussing this lovely treat in the office, as we discuss every thought that ever enters our minds, and I wanted to learn more about it. I love biscuits. Digestives in particular. The Wiki site gives this lovely description: A Tim Tam is composed of two layers of chocolate malted biscuit, separated by a light chocolate cream filling, and coated in a thin layer of textured chocolate. (Yum!) It also follows with some very important information about the coming of age of these treats....The Tim Tam Slam is the practice of biting off the opposing corners of a Tim Tam, and using the modified biscuit as a 'straw' to suck up a hot beverage.

Adding "slam" to pretty much any chocolate covered treat is a surefire way to make me want to try it out. "The Snicker Slam!" Could you even imagine what that would be?!?!
Not sure why, but I also fell in love with the term "modified biscuit." It just made them seem so...important. I want to write it on a bathroom stall somewhere, maybe next to a gang sign or some sexual teen accusation, "Tara's got crabs and herpes...Joey hearts modified biscuits"...Wouldn't really make any sense though...? But graffiti is always very spirited and rebelious and we should return to it every so often...even encourage our kids to spread a little tasteful artwork in public places. It's human nature.

My crotch area is too tight now
(Again...possible bathroom stall? I gotta keep a Sharpie handy).
This little subject line is a spam email that I received at my work address. I could list all the vulgarity I have had to deal with, but this one...it really made me laugh out loud and I never want to forget it. They are really drawing at straws here. I remember back in 07' when spam email was just a list of prescription meds or a rhetorical (yet tasteful) question about your sex life. "Are you performing to her standards?" and "Viagra/Cialis at next to nothing!" But now, we're dealing with some borderline literary molestation. I mean, some of them are so graphic I find myself getting a little squirmy at work...(don't try and hide it, you've been there too). I say, tone down the spam...not because I won't be able to explain the term"hard cock" to my kids outside of barnyard context....but because I would rather indulge in my fantasies at home, in the car, maybe after tagging up a bathroom stall instead of embarassing myself at the office!

Of course, after stumbling upon these opportunities to shit up some stalls with grafitti, I had to research. Found a couple websites dedicated to the practice:
www.thewritingsonthestall.com/ AND www.graffitiproject.com/

Fun sites to frequent...there are countless, clever inspirations written and doodled...In a time where we are looking to define ourselves as a UNITED NATION, it's a treat to see who we all are in the bathroom. Fun find: Some come here to sit and think, some come here to shit and stink, but I come here to itch my balls, and read the writing on the walls.

Always Mismatch your Socks

2009-01-15T08:26:00.000-08:00

matthewgraygubler.com

Turns out the nerd from Criminal Minds is quite the artist! His drawings are very real...but more like case sketches....if someone were to describe how someone looked (poetically) his drawings would be the result. My favorite is Abe Lincoln...

Homework for Italian class: Research Dino DeLaurentiis and present his life and works to the class in Italiano. Almost too easy.

Confessions of an EHM

2009-01-08T09:13:00.001-08:00

Recently finished up Confessions of an Economic Hit Man by John Perkins. Great book. I found myself using it as Nyquil because political jargon makes me sleepy, but it really did change my life...for about a month...how books do. Poor timing I suppose, with thoughts of farming in the Pyrenees, making soap and living in the hills of Riccia with my family, I don't have the energy to change the world. Maybe when we get back.

Perkins tried several times to publish the book but was bribed and eventually threatened to put a lid on it. The copy that I read was borrowed. Covered in coffee, no sleeve, no title....just a brown, torn up, bound stack of papers which contributed to it's "secrecy." I planned on writing a review, but I found these two excerpts from the book that both define and summarize it entirely. Buying books these days is tough...decisions like "bread...milk...or paperback" are prominent....sooo, honestly, you don't have to go buy the book after checking this out...but I do hope you'll check out JohnPerkins.org (I plan on trying to get to one of his lectures) and reading the prologue next time your in the bookstore...let me know what the cover looks like.

"This is what we EHMs, (Economic Hitmen), do best: we build a global empire. We are an elite group of men and women who utilize international financial organizations to foment conditions that make other nations subservient to the corporatocracy running our biggest corporations, our government and our banks. Like our counterparts in the Mafia, EHMs provide favors. These take the form of loans to develop infrastructure, electric generating plants, highways, ports, airports, or industrial parks. A condition of such loans is that engineering and construction companies from our own country must build all these projects. In essence, most of the money never leaves the United States; it is simply transferred from banking offices in Washington to engineering offices in New York, Houston or San Francisco."

"Despite the fact that the money is returned almost immediately to corporations who are members of the corporatocracy (the creditor), the recipient country is required to pay it all back, principle plus interest. If an EHM is completely successful, the loans are so large that the debtor is forced to default on its payments after a few years. When this happens, then like the Mafia, we demand our own pound of flesh. This often includes one or more of the following: control over United Nations votes, the installation of military bases, or access to precious resources such as oil or the Panama Canal. Of course, the debtor still owes us the money and another country is added to our global empire."

Ahhhhh....good ol' USA!

Vera De Milo

2009-01-07T12:55:00.000-08:00

You walk on the moon float like a balloon
You see it's never too late and it's never too soon
Take it from me what it's like to be...
In Living Color!

-The Overweight Lovah Heavy D

The violent sting of regret....

2009-01-05T17:47:00.000-08:00

I always promised myself I would never regret anything in my life. It all happens for a reason... if you think it's regret, let it linger for a few minutes and you'll see it's just fate with a creepy mask on. Surprise! That was supposed to happen!

Oh...turns out 4 years of your commuter life is down the drain because Lit majors don't make any money...No regrets here. I got to read 800 books from the canon and write some earth shattering thesis statements on Alexander Pope's love letters. Get that dirt off your shoulder and hang up your diploma!

Oh...turns out your bladder is far weaker in your sleep than you'd imagine after an excessive night of drinking...No regrets here, we invested in that mattress cover at Sleepy's so things really worked out...plus it's a great story for the kids.

Nope...never let regret get a hold of me. Until that fateful day. The day I won tickets to see My Morning Jacket...and shamelessly sold them to a girl on Craigslist who was far less into the band than I (clearly exhibited in her lack of SHOUTING in our emails, use of smiley faces, exclamation points and desperation). I felt used. I wanted to light her money on fire.

I have watched Youtube video after YouTube video...and the mask gets creepier and creepier. Ugh, regret....you merciless foe. They covered "All I Need" by Tammy Terrell & Marvin Gaye!! The humanity.

Whatever....Along the same lines (not really)
A couple sad Mondays ago we were set to check out Vampire Weekend at the new Wellmont Theatre in Montclair (which I must say has a wonderful view from the veranda...we were never in the "veranda" I have just always wanted to say something like that). I, with all my greed and spite on a Monday morning, attempted selling the tickets on Craigslist with a plea to readers "I hate Mondays, as they have continued to ruin my life, and can't make it to the show...please buy 2 tix face value." My very first response came an hour later and the conversation read as follows:

Evan: Dude, if you want to cheer up and get out of the shit mood you're in then the best thing you can do for yourself is go see Vampire Weekend. I would offer to buy them but honestly, I think you need them more than me (and i'm broke). Go to the show, man. Don't sell those tickets.

Me: Dude....
thanks....
I'm going. =) **note the smiley face (aforementioned in showing excitement and gratitude)

Evan: Well played, friend.

Me: ...and I plan on writing about you on my rad blogspot (that is read by the world) about how you salvaged my Monday and reassured me that there are fair people in this world that really care about our well-being. ....you are kind and good...and no one will read about it.

Evan: Glad I could help. I logged onto craigslist to find a job and ended up making your day and getting cast as an extra for a matzoh ball soup cooking show demo. The internet is a craaaazy place.... Have fun at the show and let me know if they play any new jams that aren't on the album.

Me: Hahaha!
So strange...Congrats on your matzoh ball gig!
I'll keep you posted and send some video of the show.

K...so the ending gets pretty weird, boring, typical....but the boy stepped in and changed a whole work day for me with a simple response to a Craigslist posting. I would never go out of my way to do that...changed my whole perspective on mankind....and I never sent him any video.

Animal Rummy

2008-12-01T12:53:00.000-08:00

I met Mr. Robert Oliver Jones at Flatstock 2008 during SXSW this year when he returned from his 30 minute cigarette break and although I (along with 20 other anxious fans) was thinking about stealing his "back in 10 minutes" sign (complete with a cowboy cigarette rendition and smiley face guy with x's for eyes), I also couldn't conceal my utter dislike of the guy. I later realized that this stemmed mostly from a jealous fear...but that's neither here nor there. He looked like a starving artist (which he certainly is not) in his pilled emo sweater and black frame glasses. Robert's pieces, rightfully so, sell for more than your average college dorm poster. By the time he did return a lot of people had left so I got to talk with him about some of his work.

WOW! He had a story and a reason behind every image, every moment every weather system...they told stories...and not just cool rock star stories....stories that linked St. Andrew to the cosmos and the soul capturing Yashica camera to the faraway feeling of a city skyline. There were times when what he was saying made perfect sense...he even had a sequential order that they fell into that coincided with where the band was touring. The posters, as well as the artist, are otherwordly. Pretentious and overpriced...but of another world for sure. I wanted him to doodle on a piece of paper for me so bad but was ashamed to ask...instead, I asked him to write his website down for me, with hopes that he would scribble a bit....He folded up the paper and handed it back to me. I was anxious to look at what he wrote but just stuck it in my over-sized bag of lanyards, stickers and cd's and scurried off to buy a $10 poster at a "real" starving artists booth. Flatstock is one of the best places on earth and would have been world's cooler if my boss wasn't waiting outside to drive me to the next showcase....

Oh yeah...the brown paper bag piece of paper that Robert gave me had no doodles...but it did say www.animalrummy.com in red ink....You should check it out.

Me Gusta L'Independent Music Awards Finaliste...

2008-11-20T09:18:00.000-08:00

Ahhh...another year of red, blue and green stickers behind us! The team here at MRG has put together the list of finalists for the IMA's!! Turns out, this year was more difficult than we could have imagined...hours of sitting around a table debating vocals, instrumentation, a bridge or who gets the last drop of coffee and Chips Ahoy. After discovering some pretty dope, up and coming, indie artists and falling for some new genres of music for my ipod library (seriously thinking of dropping e and going clubbing) we are all ready to dive back into our personal playlists.

Some of my favs from this year:
Pop/Rock:
Joel Plaskett Emergency- The "Fashionable People" track they entered is wonderfully poppy
The Parlotones
April Smith I love her, she's playing Blender Theatre 12/21 and NJPAC 1/24
The Redwalls (they are pretty mainstream now I think...but indie nonetheless)
Val Emmich (who submitted again, he is super poppy and won last year for this video
made an appearance as the gay hottie on 30 Rock (new episode tonight!!) and he's on Ugly Betty now....saw him live, he made us uncomfortable, but he's good. He's really pretty....in a gay way)
The Swimmers (Anyone on the Mad Dragon Record Label is great Indie Rock)
Elephone (wowza...the singer is the guy from Monster Squad!!)
Born Ruffians
BlueJuice
Fancey (album name = "Shmancey") <---- so clever =)

Rap/Hip-Hop:
Casual Projects The video for "Move Along" is weird...I want to make a music video

El Guante
Entell- My brother Sean would LOVE them! I will have to let him know, but he's busy getting married this weekend!! =)
Sweatshop Union They are from Canada...but they are REALLY good!
Wondur of Dynamic Vibrations

Folk/Singer Songwriter (if you're into it):
Anders Osborne
Kirsty McGee (That Tom Waits kinda thing...paired with Marie Couttliard (sp?) "La Vie En Rose")
Jim Boggia
Eric Wilson (lovely voice)

There are plenty others (in tons of other categories) you can discover for yourself....If you're really into it, you can check out the video finalists, (highly recommended), album finalists and design finalists!

Check out ALL the finalists & vote for the 2009 Independent Music Award Winners here

Brotherly Love w/ KOL

2008-11-17T17:50:00.000-08:00

Photo shoot ----> http://www.flickr.com/photos/26613558@N04/
We headed to the 2hr set after hanging out at a blue-collar (absolute shit) tavern called Oscar's. Electric Factory is cool....typical...it was over a highway far removed from any local watering hole (and quite a ways from our hotel when it was POURING after the show), but it was intimate, plenty of vodka in their mixed drinks, the sound was perfect, the backdrop lighting was awesome (similar to the white lights in the "On Call" video) AND it smelled like delicious, dingy beer basement to boot so I give it an A-.

KOL....Drinkin' and smokin' on stage.....they really are the epitome of rock stars! Totally full of themselves and they are so deliberate when they lean their heads back to chug their beer bottles and intentionally blow huge clouds of smoke from their cigarettes in the same fashion. The drummer showed off his ability to play his drums while making perfectly round, pink Bubbalicious bubbles (what a show off). The backup vocals were my favorite part...that, and the even MORE mellow, MORE painful, BLEEDING version of Cold Desert.

Caleb moved away from the mic occasionally to rock with the band, spitting on stage every chance he got. He came to the front of the stage to hear the audience chant during Knocked Up and watch the spotlights blind the crowd of 25-30yr olds who can't dance but certainly know how to chant a chorus and clap hands in unison...and then for Black Thumbnail in the finale, they all fuckin' went crazy on their instruments....sick...so sick. Other than that, they were pretty laid back and didn't talk to the crowd that much. Couple shout outs to the openers, and Caleb mentioned that Philly always "surprises the guys" with their enthusiasm.....Philly is Philly ya know....but they are going to ROCK MSG, I know it!!!

Did a video diary of the weekend...more to follow...

Set list
Crawl
Sex On Fire
Razz
Molly's Chambers
Taper Jean Girl
My Party
King Of The Rodeo
California Waiting
Closer
Revelry
Milk
Four Kicks
McFearless
The Bucket
Use Somebody
On Call
Cold Desert
Slow Night So Long
-------------------
Knocked Up
Manhattan
Charmer
Black Thumbnail

Bonus track -----> Virg's night out http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i6WYn1Jrvmc

No more fair maiden...

2008-10-29T07:43:00.001-07:00

Married! We did it! The entire day was like a dream...one of those dreams that you wake up from and wish you could just have one more minute of...just ONE MORE! We said our vows lakeside under red, yellow, orange and green leaves....in front of everyone we love and adore. I wasn't nervous, I have never been more certain of any moment or any decision I have ever made. I want to try and record everything....I just can't write beautifully right now because I just want to create a list of everything that happened so I can come back to it. Sooooo, might not be too interesting, but it's a stream of consciousness, more for memories sake....

We arrived Friday night to a surprise dinner with Patrick and Natasha. Patrick flew back from Iraq for us to be our best man. Starting off the weekend on the right foot. Overeating, hysterically crying, surrounded by parents, brothers and sisters. Dinner was in downtown Hurley at an old colonial home they converted into a restaurant. With tap beers, steak specials, and gourmet everything....it fit us just right. I forget what I ordered but mom forgot her glasses so I ordered for her and it was a spicy sausage pasta dish. YUM! We toasted to being together and didn't stop talking and laughing until our faces hit our pillows. I had trouble sleeping, tossing and turning. Rick and I were awake in the middle of the night listening to Bob snoring. Laughing...getting frustrated....laughing some more... I think it stopped and we fell asleep, but I didn't dream, it felt more like a quick nap...but...with no dream. =)

Saturday we headed to Hunter Mountain with Patrick, Natasha and Aiden for the Oktoberfest while our parents stayed back at the Town Park to prep for the rehearsal dinner. Met up with Jenny & Joe and Rizzy & Kelly. Shortly after Pops, Willy & Venice, and Bob arrived. We took the ski lift to the top, drank German beer ate Jamaican food...? and hung out in the mountain under the sun. On the way back down the mountain, Rick and I put the windows down and blasted Kings Of Leon singing our heads off and celebrating. Rolling tobacco, taking pictures and rushing back to the hotel to get ready for the rehearsal.

We made it! Our families were all there at the pavillion waiting for us with food and decorations set up. It was perfect. The steak and chicken, the apple sauce...it was a feast for everyone! We did a run through of the ceremony. It was hard to keep my composure but I did. We ate, drank, listened to good music...Rick played some football with the boys...the kids ran circles around the playground, our friends smoked cigarettes and told funny stories, our cousins sang and took pictures. When the sun set, Bob found the breaker for the lights so we could hang around even longer. Everyone helped out with the cleanup (except for me and Rick). My feet gave out in my heels and I decided I had to head back to the hotel for better shoes and a more comfortable outfit. Thought we might call it a night but instead, we walked the tracks to the bar (well, not really ON the tracks, but alongside them).

And then...the wedding. Walking down the aisle, seeing every person I have shared my life with, every person I love....and at the far end is the man of my dreams...the one I met and fell in love all because of fate....it was goosebumps, it was butterflies, it was a daydream, a triple scoop ice cream, an encore with your favorite song, a winning lottery ticket...it was every emotion that you can't describe...that you know everyone gets that same feeling about all over their body...the one that steals away every thing else, the background is blurry, you can only focus on one thing at a time....you almost feel drugged...that's what it was. Him, me...us and every person that means the world to us and always will. Nothing like it on earth...plus I was all dolled up!

We danced, we sang, the cousins took the spotlight to sing an old song for us...just like when I was a kid....the best men said their speeches, my dress got dirty, we took too many shots, sang til' we lost our voices. We partied. We rocked! Then...we had a bonfire into the wee hours of the morning!! Singing more, killing sherades, mowing salty popcorn, hugging, kissing, spilling....

Rick and I took advantage of the heart shaped hot tub, spent a good 2 hours pulling out bobby pins....passed out. It was tough peeling my makeup covered face off the pillow just 4 hours later for the "farewell breakfast..." not sure how we pulled that off, but we made it, ate pounds of scrambled eggs, shared some bad breathe with the troopers who spent the night....and called it a marriage!

Then...off to the Riviera Maya in Mexico!
Honeymoon photos -----> http://www.flickr.com/photos/26613558@N04/

Get Busy Livin'

2008-09-25T08:30:00.000-07:00

Ahhhhh the day is almost here....Not sure what to write about today with so many things happening around me, but I promised I would write for ME! So...stream of conciousness.
Went to Joelle and Michael's wedding...a work wedding. Twas' beautiful. Danced, ate...enjoyed the make your own sundae station at dessert, stared in awe at the beautiful bride, stared in awe at my fiance while we danced. It's tough not to fantasize about what it will be like the day we are married. I tried not to plan my gaze, my smirks, the way I would walk, the wink, the whisper...I want it to come to me that day. No staged dancing, no practicing the first kiss...everything will just happen.

Booked our flights last night. We arrive in Dublin the morning of my 26th birthday and I can't stop pinching myself to see if this is really it. Celebrating St. Patrick's Day in the mother land with my soul mate. All of our dreams...finally coming to fruition when we both clicked the "purchase tickets" button together last night. Our third trip back together. The first, sitting next to each other as friends, the second, holding hands as a happy couple, the third...most likely drooling on each other’s shoulders as husband & wife. Another check on my list of things to accomplish in this lifetime…right next to obtaining a set list from a rock concert without showing my A-cups. Become a gypsy who smells like patchouli and tells great stories…. CHECK!

I want to write more about our upcoming travels, but I have a 9-5 job I still need to attend to…for now.

Visited my Aunt Antoinette in the hospital this morning. The family is writing back and forth with updates after each of us visit.

Hello my beloved Colasurdo crew,

Just wanted to let you all know that I got a chance to visit Aunt Antoinette. I certainly should not have gone alone...that was a mistake. It was hard for me to handle seeing her surrounded and attached with machines, I'm simply not good at that stuff. She was asleep for the entire visit and I talked to her and told her how much we are praying for her and how much we love her. I told her Rosemary sends her love from Idaho...that I am anxious to be a bride...and that I wanted her to wake up so I could say hello. That didn't work. They made me wear a protective lab coat and gloves because of her bacterial infection. It's tough to wipe snot and tears off your face with rubber gloves on.

Tracheotomy at 3:00PM. The doctors were meeting about her outside the room and spitting out some serious jargon. The nurse translated for me "her status has not changed, the bacterial infection is in her stool, go wash your hands" I followed her advice and then got lost trying to find the elevators.

All in all....a C- on the visit. I left unfulfilled having not been able to look her in the eye and tell her everything...I just hope the nurse delivers my message for me....

I'm afraid I will most likely not be going back...unless we are all together...so updates from everyone are much appreciated.

Love you all,

Tee

I know this seems like I am ending on such a sad note, but it really isn't. It was enlightening. I walked into that hospital nervous about not being able to speak. I was intimidated...the same way you are when you enter a big city after spending so much time in the woods. Seeing so many people. Different clothes, colors, thoughts, problems, sicknesses, weaknesses....stories! Ones that I wanted to know so badly and at the same time, be as far away from as possible. I left with a raging fury for life. I left with determination and purpose to live every second of my life for everyone I love and who has loved me. To fly where I don’t fit in, to run out of money, to take chances... I left knowing that I would some day write a will and leave only inanimate objects to the ones I love the most. And I also left with 13 cents short of the 6 bucks I needed for parking. 6 bucks for a half hour of parking! Damn Republicans!

Barack = Progress

2008-08-29T06:43:00.000-07:00

I wanted to take notes on his speech so I could tell my kids what it felt like to have so much hope in one man....but I fell asleep. He came on stage and thanked the audience of 75,000 a couple dozen times before they could contain themselves, accepted the candidacy, promised change...and I fell asleep.

My mind is already made up, he needn't stage another speech, he has my vote. I love to hear his voice and dream of what it will be like when I have insurance, when I can afford my kids college tuition, when we ban Hummers and run out of solar panels....but I am just too tired...and I fall asleep.

That poor girl....

2008-08-28T13:54:00.000-07:00

So we’re on the way back from Brooklyn on the A Train. After the first two stops this bum walks onto the train. Long gray overcoat, ashy elbows, brown paper bags, and lots of phlegm. So we play it off like he’s not there but then the smell hit. GOD DAMN! He pulls a half-eaten chicken leg out of his brown paper bag, a chicken leg that was right out of the hot garbage. We sat and watched him. Watched the spit trail from the dark meat to his chapped, scabby mouth. His hands covered in dirt and his nose dripping with snot, we watched him enjoy his garbage, wash it down with some Snake bite brew and use his half jacket as a towel for his lubed up hands. So the train stops and he grabs the pole with his greased up, wormy fingers to stand up and half spit up, half vomit outside the doors of the train, then stumbles back to his seat.
The shine of his palm prints glisten in the flickering lights of that now even dirtier subway and at the next stop a girl with long, brown, beautifully flowing to the top of her buttocks hair, hitches a ride in our car. In slow motion I see her eye up the available seats and decide to stand against the pole that our man chicken fingers had a tight grip on minutes earlier. It was like static electricity. Her hair wrapped around the pole attracted to the greasy circles of chicken spit the fingerprints had left. Our reaction: you know that video clip of the guy who’s kickboxing and his leg snaps in half on a shin kick…and then he tries to stand on it because he doesn’t even realize the treachery his leg has just endured…watching that. The "ooooh" followed shortly after by the even worse, "OOOOooooo!" We clenched our fists and watched with every wave, every bump, every motion of the train, more and more hair find its way to the pole and swim around in the filth of the now soundly sleeping homeless man across from us on the A train.

Mia Cara Rick....

2008-08-28T13:35:00.000-07:00

We met at JFK airport in September of 2004. We were on our way to England.

I want to write down every second of the moments we shared before we knew that we would fly home together hand in hand. Walking to the gym together to get a pass to workout, eating across from each other at the dining hall, having sex in hostels...but some of it I have to keep as our secrets...ones that only we will forget to remember.

There was one night back in ER we spent up talking and talking like we usually did….and he left to go to sleep. I had this rush of emotion and I just couldn’t think straight. I wrote down all of this in a note. Asking him questions, telling him that I was just as apprehensive as he was but for all the wrong reasons. I was pacing the room, note in hand, trying to decide whether or not I should slide it under his door. Is this childish….a note? Should I make him uncomfortable giving him this impression, what if it ruins what we already have after just 72 hours? What if this is too good to be true? Every word that he says is just perfect, his face, his lips, his BODY….his passion for such simple things…his passion for EVERYTHING that I dream about. I walk to the door, pull myself together and stand looking in the mirror…and I actually whispered to myself out loud…."This is it….placed right in your lap….he’s…" A KNOCK AT THE DOOR.

And it opens so abruptly I almost scream. I can feel that its him, I’m just cursing myself for not hearing his door open so I could have been prepared. I only hope that he’s come back to grab my waist and the back of my head and pull me toward him with his strong arms for a kiss to make me melt right there with his beard brushed up against my cheeks, and finally feel all this perfect love whisper its way entirely out of my body…

"I left my journal…." he declares as he just breezes right past my sweaty forehead.

"Oh."

I wasn’t nervous. He always made me feel just right. I was just tingly….from head to toe. I wasn’t embarrassed that he may have caught me whispering to myself in the mirror….because I knew he did the same thing….and that’s why I knew that I absolutely had to give him this letter.
So….cowardly enough…I waited for him to return to his room and slipped it under his door minutes later. I went back to my room. Paced. Laid down, stood up. Looked in the mirror. Wrote in my journal. Thank God I could write in that journal, I lost track of time. He must have snuck out of his room again because I didn’t hear any doors open or close….a shuffle in the hallway…nothing. Then I feel him outside my door again. Only this time his shadow shoves a note under my door. I waited a few milliseconds….knowing that he had returned the gesture so the note wouldn’t be all that discouraging….and leaped to the door grabbing the note. "For Theresa’s eyes only xoxoxoxox" I hesitated…only because of the previous question of perfection. It was as if nothing else in the world mattered anymore but falling in love with him. It was my other half! The one that would make me laugh until I couldn’t breathe for the rest of my life, the one who would throw flour in my hair while he makes me pizza with his solid hands, the one who would take pictures of me when I wasn’t looking, the one who would let me fall asleep in his arms every night and run his fingers through my curls, the one who would tell me secrets and stories about all of our dreams and memories, the one who I could NEVER EVER be without. I could breathe better than I ever could! Just looking at his handwriting made me certain, like I had seen it before as a child or in a dream, and even then it made me an idealist! I was in complete control of making my life flawless…Brilliant! The note answered my questions and left some for me to figure out on my own…which I did seconds later and am still figuring out today…. He was the one person who would share moments with me… No matter what happened next, having him with me was all that mattered. I wanted every second to be filled with him…boring ones, exciting ones, sweaty ones, small ones, sad ones, stupid ones, hysterical ones, crazy ones…every single time I thought about my life from that point on I wanted it to remind me of us. Every time I think back about some memory I wanted him to be in it, no matter how big or small. I would make sure that my memories would be flooded with him….every single day…. and that’s just what I’m doing.

So, when Willy asked me if I believe in fate...I couldn't just say yes or no. I told him that I am grateful for it…that I don't understand it, but I thank God for it. I also thank God for control over my life. The control that lets me fall in love over and over again every day.

I'm gonna be a famous author!

2008-08-28T12:25:00.000-07:00

Driving home today I decided that I have the potential to be a famous writer....poet...no a famous author! Or, maybe, that I am destined to be a famous author, whether in this lifetime or after I am dead. A snobby Van Gogh, one who predicted his placement in Target and Wal-Mart frame sales....and how pretentious would he seem, if Van Gogh had predicted his fame. If he knew he would be hanging in some dorm room or worse yet, in a first-time apt. owners living room on cardboard with the plastic still on and no frame....would he really be stuck up? Would he be proud? Going off track...

My reasoning behind it is rather magnificent...and would you expect anything less from a self-proclaimed (for decades to come), soon-to-be famous author? Reason being....my face twitches. I mean, I have strange, uncontrollable facial twitches..."quirks," someone who is attempting to humor me might call them..."quirks"...but they are clearly twitches, rather absurd and embarrassing twitches that I have slowly come to fall in love with after basing my fate on them. Some in the forehead, others in the nose, crunching and cringing them....wiggling my ears, unable to relax my face. The muscles just won't stop...and for these reasons you will see my countless memoriams (First to read: To Rick- for making me stay in Ormskirk) published by Penguin books....or maybe it will be Vintage Publishing....we'll see who gets wind first and offers me the most money. But there I will be...the first dead writer to assume public acclaim from beyond the grave.

These are no ordinary twitches mind you...these are the kind of twitches that only visionaries have...ones that other people gawk at and wonder why they are there. Twitches...habitual twitches that scream addiction and abnormal behavior, as a good writer should. I even make excuses for them...to myself obviously, no one ever asks about them for fear of social discomfort. When I wiggle my nose, I tell myself it's because of a hard buildup inside, some stubborn boogey clutching to my nose hairs...that I have an itch, a drip of sweat, anything. But I have done it for years. Ever since I can remember, I have had this uncomfortable nose twitch. This, paired with social anxiety (enough to make my dog blush), roseacea and a substantial lack of short-term memory, I would say I am one world renowned book short of bi-weekly therapy sessions...

The rosy cheeks, (doctors and makeup specialists like to call it rosacea), they have always been a great way to make everyone around me uncomfortable too. It doesn't even have to be in public or at a podium, I can be in the car, alone, belting out lyrics to an incredible song....stumble on the chorus and my face turns as red as your pants (If you're wearing bright red pants, you know what I mean, if you aren't, shame on me for banking on your good fashion sense)....Poetic huh? You thought I would go with fire engine....or rosebud...but not me....I already told you, I'm destined!

Not just the upper cheek bones either, this is red to the brim...past the hairline. Red ears, red arms, red all over indisguisable!! It's quite an intense feeling, one that I can't imagine living without...but oh how wonderful it would be...to have the simple confidence that would allow my skin to maintain a milky white hue when I tell a simple joke....or even just speak after a long silence.

It has taken me too long to realize just how amazing I can be. I will immediately pick up smoking and other bad habits to ensure my success....